Get a defiant trespass letter sent to him ASAP indicating that he is not allowed on the premises of the apartment complex and within the area of your
residence. If he would happen to come back on the premises, he would be in violation of that order. Also, I think it may show your willingness to resolve
the issue with your employer. Good luck to you and sleep tight.
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 Darcy130 |
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Registered User
Posts: 287 (04/16/08 16:28:13) |
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LuLuOverLOreal |
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Registered User
Posts: 277 (04/16/08 17:17:36) |
The buzzers have given wise advice, as usual. I wish I could offer something as well. ***HUGS*** Your safety is most important - the police will be able to
help!
"He who's tired of 'Weird Al' is tired of life."
Tea; 30 years old; Fair/rosy skin tones; brown hair - naturally curly and unruly; blue/green/gray eyes. |
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aquitania |
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Registered User
Posts: 1656 (04/16/08 20:38:41) |
Chris, you need to think about what you are going to say to your boss tomorrow when you go back. Your boss may have been understanding today, but I doubt that
this is over. Think about this from your boss's perspective: you are a young, newly married woman who allowed a former BF, a known (to you) alcoholic, to
stay with you for five days. By doing so, you unintentionally put everyone in your complex at risk. Your former BF may not have been violent or destructive
before, but alcoholics are unpredictable, and your tenants have no way of knowing whether your former BF is potentially dangerous. This will reflect
unfavorably on your credibility and your judgement with your boss. So you might want to consider how to counter this, with specific detailed plans for how you
will handle it when your former BF shows up again. And he will.
Tough Love coming -- you might want to postpone or skip reading this if you are not feeling up to it. Are you sure? OK, here goes: Your former BF will show up again because you have just provided him with a five day soft landing. He has been able to live with you and continue drinking, without any responsibilities or consequences. So the nest time he wants the same, he will head to you. But this raises some real questions -- where were his parents over the last five days? Why didn't they come and get him on Saturday? Why did you have to keep him until he's drunk, wandering around your complex, and at minimum endangering your job, if not your tenants? He's much more their responsibility than he is yours, because he is NOT your responsibility. At all. He is not an orphaned kitten or puppy who will die if you don't take it in -- he has resources in his parents. You are responsible for yourself and your tenants, not your ex-BF. And where was he getting his alcohol over the last five days? Although you don't want harm to come to him, you cannot "fix" him; you can only allow him to drag you down with him, and you just gave him a really good shot at that. You cannot make him want to stop drinking and you cannot control his behavior. Right now you need to concentrate on protecting and caring for yourself. So please do something nice for yourself to make things more soothing for you. |
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hbgrrl |
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Registered User
Posts: 1606 (04/16/08 20:41:10) |
No advice, only good vibes and hugs to you.
--Cindy
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AnnieW625 |
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Registered User
Posts: 8907 (04/16/08 22:12:25) |
I think Aquitania makes some valid points, but I also believe that Chrys should not be the blame for this man's drinking or going off the deepend. Because
he is an ex there always be some sort of connection, and maybe he did show up there hoping to get help, but he chickened out. Even if alcohol wasn't
provided to him by Chrys alcoholics will get it themselves at any hour of the day, any day of the week. I have seen this experienced by people that care a lot
about.
I clearly remember the day I knew my uncle was an alcoholic; he was drinking a beer at 9 am on a Saturday morning; he was 38 years old at the time; I was 16. The thought crossed my mind of who in their right mind would drink a beer at that hour of the morning. As it turns out he'd been a functioning alcoholic for maybe a year before that which was brought on by stresses at his job and at home due to family illnesses. This pattern continued for another two years before his parents, and his wife really realized he had a huge problem. Both my aunt, grandparents, and dad tried to get him to stop drinking and it didn't work; the stress was still too much and he kept drinking. Since in our family most adults always have a drink or two after work they just thought it was normal that my uncle would de stress this way. Eventually it went from that, and having a beer on Saturday morning to having a drink before he left work, on his lunch hour, and then again another two or more when he got home (or visited his parents after work). Then scotch or vodka would be missing from my grandparent's liquor cabinent (he'd take it home with him, and hide it) and once my grandma even removed it and he'd just buy more. Thankfully he never injured anyone, or physically abused his family (his children were all under 10 at the time), but it wasn't easy getting him to rehab. It took another family illness and a financial crisis for him to go into out patient rehab. He was fortunate enough to be treated by Dr. Drew Pinsky who literally probably saved his life. I am Dr. Drew's biggest fan because of this. My uncle has been sober for almost 13 years now and I look up to him every time I think that something can't be done, and he makes me realize that yes something can be done! **Annie,** 31, buzzing from Lakewood, CA
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stupidlamp.johnnydepp82989 |
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE shares beauty tips | ||
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Registered User
Posts: 1 (04/16/08 23:13:40) |
well. . . isnt seeing shawn harris
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Laurilea |
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Registered User
Posts: 348 (04/17/08 05:12:28) |
I'm sending you good thoughts. I hope everything is working out okay! |
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chrysanthemum |
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Registered User
Posts: 2934 (04/17/08 11:12:40) |
thank you all, again.
Don't worry I saw the tough love coming.  Some of it is hard to
read only because it doesn't apply to me in this case. Naturally me being upset I didn't include details or wasn't necessary eloquent in my posts
so there can always be a lot of reading between the lines. It's all a really complicated issue anyway and I really appreciate everyone's take on the
matter, that is why I brought it to the Buzz. Your words resonate with me and I got a lot out of it.
This morning's update: after I had gone back to the office yest. afternoon, he called 911 from my apt. to have them take him to the hospital. He said he just wanted it to stop. He's still there now, and he called everyone from the room to notify us all of his whereabouts and his condition. I was very, very relieved. For the record, I don't keep any alcohol in the house normally, I live alone and I don't really drink at all, so it's not customary for me to have things on hand. Like Annie said, they go out and get it however they can, and hide it. He had been heading over a liquor store that is up the street and hiding it in my apt. Because at first, Sat/Sun/early Mon I could *tell* he had been drinking but I couldn't prove it until I busted him with a bottle in my bathroom cabinet. I have a 3 bed/2 bath apt and CP had been staying in my small bedroom off the living room. I should never have let him stay. Iwasn't trying to take him in as a stray so much as just trying to help, but yeah I am kicking myself in the pants and regret giving him a 4 day freebie. That was my biggest error and I really regret it. Fortunately, my apartment is situated in a secluded spot/ I am away from the "rest of the residents" LOL (in terms of the structure of the actual complex) so his comings and goings out of my actual apartment can't be seen from anyone else. Of course I was terrified when I heard that he had been walking around the actual complex, becuase I knew the implications and the risks regarding the other residents. That was what took it to a new level and that was when I was here at my work desk with my cell phone in hand. Right after i wrote my post initially I called the cops. My supervisor and my boss both were really great this morning. I didn't originally know this but I just learned that my supervisor's brother was a really bad alcoholic and went through all of this too, so he was understanding and supportive. They let me know that I handled it well so I was relieved. 33, from San Diego. dark brown hair, brown eyes, light complexion w/ yellow undertones, BE minerals
lover. Battling dark circles, cowlicky bangs, but loving the nude look and always in search of the perfect blush.
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crazybunny |
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Registered User
Posts: 66 (04/17/08 11:27:17) |
C~I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and I really hope your ex gets help. I have a soft spot for addicts. It is a disease. He needs to make a
choice, to live or die. Once he makes that choice (which it seems as tho he has by admitting himself), everything else will fall into place. He needs to go
through therapy. He needs ppl to believe in him. It is a hard, hard situation to deal with and I empathize with you. Big time. I have not been in a sitch just
like yours but I do come from a family where addiction runs rampant. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I hope you are feeling better now.
"I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay."
Madonna |
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